There are good people in this world and There are bad people. But sometimes there are people who switch from good to bad or bad to good. Then they are the people who are a little bit of both. But never forget that good people can do bad things and bad people can even do good things. I am a good person, but I have a bad past. You know how people say " the past is in the past"? Well they are wrong. The past will always be with you, you can't throw it away. The past can change you for the better or for the worst. My past has changed me for the worse, but I'm learning to make my newer past change me for the better. When I was little I was some what destructive. When I had pet fishes I would take the net to pick them out of the water and then poke them. Weird, I know. But doing that made them die sooner, and thats murder. Yes its a fish, no big deal. But I harmed another creature and knew i was doingt it, and that is wrong. In my past as a child I was never put in sports by my parents so i wasn't active and i wasnt taught good eating habits so I was very overweight. When I was 12 years old I was 181 pounds. That is the most I have ever weighed. So around 6th grade people started to call me fat and it got worse by eight grade. I started to fear the doctor because they would tell me I was obese and heavy and by hearing what I was eating they didnt understand why I was so fat. I would have panic attacks over it to the point where I switched doctors twice. In eighth grade there was this bully who called me a whale every day and fat and asked how many twinkies did I eat that day. I don't even like twinkies. So one day it got too far and I decided to loose weight. I started eating less and healthier and exercising and playing basketball and I lost 30 pounds. And for months that kid left. And when he came back one day, I lost it. I cut myself 11 times trying to feel something, anything. Pain. Sadness. I was just numb and it didn't help me feel, but it felt like i deserved it. That I didn't work hard enough to loose weight so this is my punishment. My mom found out and it crushed her. I stopped that day because feeling the pain inside myself was easier then hurting her. When I was home alone i would scream and sob just to let it out. I would think about what ways I could kill myself that would be the least painless and the best for my family to cope with. I could never bring myself to do it though. i was never just happy. I didnt feel that genuine happiness until months later at concert. Seeing my idol on stage singing the songs that have helped me stay alive is so moving and empowering. I stood there in tears because i was so happy and i didnt know when i would feel like that again. So i started to look for that happiness in my life for the first time in months. When you are depressed and considering suicide and can't bring yourself to do it then you have reason to stay on this earth. You have a purpose. You are a remarkable creation of god. You are beautiful and should live life to its fullest for as long as you can. I am learning how to take my past and put it into my future. How to show others that they too can overcome depression. Sometimes it takes a life changing moment to see that you can be happy and that life is beautiful. And sometimes you just need a friend to say you aren't alone. You have to find support. I was a good person with destructive behavior on myself and occasionally others, but i am trying find myself again and take my experience to help others. My past is my past, my future, and my present. I am alive. I am free.