Do you ever feel like you can't anything right? Like a constant failure? Well trust me when you have someone telling you that you do everything wrong, you believe it. Remember when I said I was trying to find myself, be a new, better stronger person? What if I'm okay with who I am? What if I'm a newer, happier person? Why isn't that good enough? It took me so long to like the person I am. But, now that i finally like myself, its like I'm a bad person. But the person, that I hated, was a good person that everyone else liked. And i tried to hold on and say fuck you all, but thats really hard. Its hard to not care what people think and to not relapse into depression, when what got you there in the first place is reoccurring. But this time its the people I love, its my mother, my closest friends. The only people who I thought understood me, what I have been through, and how to keep me from going back to my old ways. The whole body numbness came, the outburst of sobs, the emptiness inside. The things that drove me to cut have come back, but I thought i could win this time. I guess I was wrong. May 1 - January 2 : The days of being self-harm free. 8 months, that 2/3 of a year. Gone. Do you like me now Mom? You broke your baby this time, how do you fix that? Here's to year of getting closer to dying, happy saturday everyone...