I have a proof that my father is cheating on my mom. and im not prepared to do this. i have been expecting the divorce for so long, but now its real. if i tell my dad, i feel that he will choose the mistress over my mom and divorce her. i feel that if i tell my mom, she will get depressed and never tell him she knows. i feel like if i confront the mistress, my dad will find out and divorce my mom. the only solution i have is to give my dad an ultimatum. he leaves his mistress or i kill myself. im so lost and confused someone please help me. i know that none of u know me or comment on my posts but i need this. please someone answer me.
i feel like im floating almost, like im here but im not. does anyone else ever feel like that. it started happening yesterday. it feels like im here but things are just happening in front of me. like its me in my own world and everything just happens in front of me. i know that im not okay, but i still said i am when my mom asked because i dont know what to tell her. how do you explain to someone that you almost feel like a ghost. can anyone relate? im just so run out of fight in me. im an energetic person and stable person, when i can be. but at the moment im just shaky and empty. idk whats wrong with me, like im physically almost shivering but im not cold. help please Its like doing a puzzle, sometimes it takes a lot of wrong pieces to help find the right one. my pieces are simple things to keep me happy.
My dad was fired from his job today. He worked there for 8 years. He just tore a part of his knee, so he needs an ACL surgery. For 7 years he was fine, and then last year a new boss came to the job. This man and my father could find no way to get along. The company didn't move my dad to a new department, they didn't warn my dad about this, they just let him hobble in on crutches to be fired. My dad makes 1 & 2/3 times what my mother makes. We have always been okay, never poor. We aren't rich, but we buy what we want even if we don't need it. How does this happen to a family? We don't deserve this, my dad doesn't deserve this. I don't know what we are going to do. my dad can't work until his knee heals, and there is no given time for his recovery.
Do you ever feel like you can't anything right? Like a constant failure? Well trust me when you have someone telling you that you do everything wrong, you believe it. Remember when I said I was trying to find myself, be a new, better stronger person? What if I'm okay with who I am? What if I'm a newer, happier person? Why isn't that good enough? It took me so long to like the person I am. But, now that i finally like myself, its like I'm a bad person. But the person, that I hated, was a good person that everyone else liked. And i tried to hold on and say fuck you all, but thats really hard. Its hard to not care what people think and to not relapse into depression, when what got you there in the first place is reoccurring. But this time its the people I love, its my mother, my closest friends. The only people who I thought understood me, what I have been through, and how to keep me from going back to my old ways. The whole body numbness came, the outburst of sobs, the emptiness inside. The things that drove me to cut have come back, but I thought i could win this time. I guess I was wrong. May 1 - January 2 : The days of being self-harm free. 8 months, that 2/3 of a year. Gone. Do you like me now Mom? You broke your baby this time, how do you fix that? Here's to year of getting closer to dying, happy saturday everyone...
We have to learn to accept a lot of things in life. I have to accept that I'm not a skinny popular girl. That I have a little extra to me and that my friends are fine and thats everything is okay. When you get stuck in this place where everything is wrong and you start break, you slowly find yourself at your breaking point. And when you break, you have to rebuild. You have to become stronger and better than you ever were before. But everything you put into rebuilding yourself isn't always good. I built this wall, that was supposed to protect me from hateful things and the bad in this world. But my wall buried all bad things into a volcano. This volcano of vulnerability, and when it erupts its not pretty. Instead of small things hitting you all the time, its everything all at once. I'm stuck in this place that i thought was better for me, but it may just be as bad. I put up a good act of being happy for everyone, but like I said its an act. I feel like maybe its better this way, so no one worries. But deep down I just want someone to see through me and say your broken. I have my own mother fooled, the only person i thought could see through me. I guess reality is harsh. I have accept that maybe its okay that I'm not happy. Maybe I'm supposed to be this place. I mean everybody says god puts each of us on earth for a purpose. Maybe this is mine. I'm still clean. The urges started again though. I'm trying so hard to get better and find myself, but what if that is impossible. What if I'm looking in the wrong place? The only other place I could be is dead. Do you believe in heaven or the afterlife or reincarnation or hell? Do I? If I died today would my deceased family members be waiting for me? The problem with death is that no one can tell you what happens, because they are dead. I accept that for right now I'm alive, but I also accept that I could kill myself at this very moment if I wanted to.
sorry its been a week or two but i have been busy with school stuff because winter break starts wednesday. so i have a theory. i think my dad is cheating on my mom with another woman. i have a little proof but nothing that i can physically (i have seen texts but dont have printed copies or pics. i hacked his facebook but then logged off right away bc i didnt want him to log in when i was on it. one night while he is sleeping im going to go on his facebook and get proof. hopefully i wont find anything and its all a misunderstanding. but if i do find something idk what im going to do. should i tell my mom. confront my dad. find a way to confront the mistress. please i know there are people who will read this and not give feed back but i really need advice Do you ever wish you had someone else's life? Not anyone famous, but someone you know personally. Like a friend or a classmate. Well I do. I don't need a lot of money or anything like that. I just want a happy family. Parents and maybe a brother or sister, and we would have family days, or just spend time together. I wouldn't need a lot of friends, just a group that i can be myself with and trust. We would spend our weekends at each other's houses and get ready for dances together. Have big group chats and inside jokes. In the summer we could go to the beach together and go to all the carnivals. I would be happy. I would look in the mirror and like what i see. But that's not my life. I am the only reason my parents aren't divorced. They probably think the stress of their divorce would lower my grades. I am an only child and i have 4 cats. My mom works at night and my dad works in the day and then goes to a cigar lounge at night. So its just me and my cats :( . At school i have friends but i don't act the same with all of them. I don't even like half of them, but the company is nice. I have 2 really close friends (lets call them Alice and Brooke) outside of school, but they live at least 30 min away. Brooke ditches for her school friends all of the time when i used to think of her and her family as my second family. Alice has a completely different personality from me so i get really worried i will say the wrong thing sometimes. I look in the mirror and I see a fat ugly girl. But you have to look at what you do have. I have cats that love me for who i am. I have a laptop and an iphone and netflix and tv and clothes and food (sometimes i wish i didn't have it) and heat and a place to live, even if its usually just me and my cats. Its okay to want another life, but remember that yours could be worse and that someone else would probably love your life.
I had 2 cats growing up and then in 2013 one of them died. in february 2014 the other one did (they were like 20 years old). so we got 3 kittens a month afterward even though we intended not to but i am home alone a lot and i like having cats to keep me company. i fell in love with these kittens and they are my world. i feel bad though because i didnt really like my old cats in their later years because they were my parents before i was born so they didnt really like me. so i neglected them. but these kittens are all i ever talk about. in september 2014 we got our fourth and final kitten just because he looks like one of our old cats (i love him but i still dont think we needed him). my cats are all i have sometimes because all of my friends live at least 20 min away and im an only child. seriously dont judge i already know i have a future as a cat lady. when im sad my cats will come and lay with me and its really cool that they understand me. so everyone should have a cat. the end. these are my cats Cody (grey with stripes), Jaz (black), Fred (grey and white), and Callie (grey with cool pattern) today in biology we were doing posters and i felt a sharp pain in my ring finger tip so i looked at my hands and noticed there will random little blue lines here are there that looked like thin pen marks. So my finger tip is tingling and my hand and arm are shaking and im freaking out because i think im dying. i put on hand sanitizer before it happened so i washed that off and it helped a little but not really. my finger is still a little tingly but the lines are gone. i know that ring finger are connected directly to the heart so maybe i had loss of circulation because i keep hair ties on my wrists idk but please if anyone knows what is wrong with me let me know because im still really freaked out. i really like this quote |